Who really cares...

.... so the other night I'm watching the news, wanting to know what the weather was going to be like for the following weekend. I got to the weather report....and waited...and waited...and when it was over I realized something.
I'd completely missed what the weather was going to be. Oh, I could have rattled off the names of the clouds, the % points of humidity, the PSI of the high pressure system that was coming....but f*#* if I could tell you if the combination of them all would mean wearing a bikini or a snowsuit.

Who decided that we needed to know all that extraneous bullshit during the weather report? Is the rain from a Siberian High Front wetter than the rain from a Nigerian Low? No!?! THEN WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All we need out of a weather report is this:

Tomorrow, coat
Day after, no coat
Day after that, umbrella
Day after that we could guess people, but we'd probably be wrong.

I've yet to run into a friend during a snowstorm, who was wearing a tank top, shorts and flip flops, who said "yeah, the weatherman said to wear a parka, but they didn't back it up with enough graphs and satellite pictures, so I decided to take my chances".

And a whole CHANNEL of weather? What's up with that? If it's sleeting in the Himalayas do I need to wear long underwear too? I didn't think so. All THEY need is a screen that says:
"Today, Edmontonians should wear ____________, if you're travelling somewhere, phone ahead.

So's I say, SCREW the meteorologists, and bring back the old-fashioned, whiteboard-marker weathermen of old, who let you know what you should do about the weather, which is all anybody really needs to know.

My newsest career

I'm going to become a Rumpologist
That's right a Rumplogist. Someone who reads the lines, bumps and crevices on your ass to reveal your personality, fate, and future.
C'mon it can't lose! People love to hear about themselves. If people can stare into blobs of glass and charge people for their subsequent hallucinations..they'll pay to drop their drawers and hear their fate.

I can hear the consultations now..."hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... I see a trip to the Grand Canyon in your near future"

" I sense you are a very busy person, always in a rush...not much time for meals......oh yes and your favourite vegetable is corn"

I mean, if Rocky's Mom is a believe in this stuff, it has to be right...... right??!?!?!

I just read she charges $125 to read a scanned picture of your bum. I'd do it LIVE in PERSON, so you could ask for clarification on any point that you may not understand. And I'd do this for the low LOW price of $49.99. What a deal.

Gift certficates available for your Holiday Gift Giving needs!

How difficult is it?

How, in a world where men have walked on the moon (or did they?)

where we can build tiny computers that fit into water droplets and are powered by DNA can scientist not come up with a restaurant tables that DON'T WOBBLE? Are the restaurant floors in this world that crooked? I was at a NEW restaurant just the other day and it rocked about an inch back and forth.

I friggin HATE sitting at tables where you have to anchor them down with your elbow, or have to crawl on the floor propping them up with sugar packages. Why isn't this a regular part of 'setting' the restaurant for the day? Walking around and fixing the bloody wobbles! WHEN WILL THEY LEARN???

Halloween Sour Apples

There is something seriously wrong when the Trick or Treaters at your door are taller than you are. Especially if they're on the step 8 inches lower than you.

I know, I know, it doesn't take much to be taller than me, but C'MON, there should be a maximum height restriction.

Some of them don't even come in costume, as my niece puts it "this candy' ain't free, ya gotta work for it"

bastards.

Today's giggle

I belong to this webpage called "freecycle" where people give away stuff they don't need anymore. It's to prevent junk going in the dump etc. A good enough site. However, sometimes the things people have to offer (like 1/4 of an opened can of baby formula...who the hell is using that) make my giggle. This one was today's:

"I have 2 things that let the steam out of a pressure cooker. Not sure why since I don't own a pressure cooker"

Not sure why? How can you NOT be SURE? Who impulse buys pressure cooker accessories?

Weirdos

Is there anything uglier?

Is there anything uglier than "Shell Art"



I mean, check out this number, all nice and shelackyy. Who dreams of this shit? That's the ugliest clock I've seen until...










this one, looking kinda floral..if you want a flower encrusted clock, order one, if you want a shell encrusted clock....DON"T GO THERE










And this is a clock AND a thermomenter, encrusted with the things.... GAK. There ought to be a law, that no household object is allowed to be adorned with anymore than 4 shells at any time. In fact, I propose that law right now...any opposition? Hearing none I move that this law is in affect. People the word over now have the right to go into people's homes and dispose of icky tacky shell art. PEOPLE YOU HAVE BEEN EMPOWERED.

Hooray for hedgehogs.

Found this on yahoo.ca:
****************************************************************
Hedgehogs humble McDonald's
Thu Aug 31, 11:49 AM
LONDON (Reuters) - Hedgehogs have finally humbled burger giant McDonald's after years of campaigning, forcing the company to redesign its killer McFlurry ice-cream containers.
Up to now the opening in the container has been large enough for hedgehogs to get their heads into for a lick of the left-over dessert -- a trap they have then been unable to withdraw from, so dying of starvation in untold numbers.
But from September 1, the wide-mouthed opening in the lid of the McFlurry containers will be reduced in size, making them too small for the sugar-loving animals to get their heads into.
"This is excellent, it is long overdue news," said Fay Vass, chief executive of the British Hedgehog Preservation Society. "We have been in touch with McDonald's about this problem for over five years and are delighted that they have at last solved the problem."
McDonald's said in a statement the design change had resulted from pressure from the society which prompted "significant research and design testing" to develop new packaging.
"The smaller aperture of the lid has been designed to prevent hedgehogs from entering the McFlurry container in the unfortunate incidence that a lid is littered and is then accessible to wildlife," it added.
******************************************************************

For the love of GOD....how many hedgehogs have died, like TWO?! Are they that endangered? Do they really need their own SOCIETY? They're HEDGEHOGS for Christsake...what possible contribution are they to mankind? They're RODENTS! What next, the Association to Protect the Flea-Bitten-Rats-of-America Association (PFTFBROA) will be issuing press releases complaining to the overly-pinchiness of spring-loaded traps? How they muss the hair around their precious-little-disease-riddled heads?

I just KNOW that Alberta's two (two mind you, not one but TWO of them this province has) associations dedicated to the protection of F()#$()#W$(* FERRETS have been applying their own political pressure to have the McFlurry lid holes closed up, in fear that their useless-bitey-not cuddly-might-as-well-just-own-a-f*#$(#&-RATs might get snuffed.

How nice that in this world, where there is no hunger, no homeless, no human social problems whatsover, people have been able to occupy themselves with such important issues. My sleep shall be peaceful, comforted in the knowledge that the lactose-tolerant hedgehogs of the world are now safer.

Wedding Rants

This summer, I've attended and observed from afar, a variety of weddings.

The first, my sister and sister-inlaw's (yes you read that right, it was a gay in a good way wedding). And it was the MOST EXCELLENT WEDDING EVER. I won't say much about it, because I'm at my best when I'm ranting and raging about something so really, I have nothing to say. Other than these two, not quite unrelated observations:

1: They had the best emcee I've ever witnessed.
2: It sucks that emcess have to stay sober, I missed out on some serious hours of drinking.

Anyway, the best part of this wedding was the simplicity of the festivities and relaxed nature of the bridal couple, who were smiling, happy and able to enjoy their day very much.

The second, was my friend Anton's wedding to Apryl. Long time readers of my blog- get over the spelling, I have. And really, it could be Aeprehll or something. Again, it was super simple, they were able to enjoy themselves, the guests and wedding party were relaxed, it was all good. Oh yes, and Colin wins the official award for silliest wedding stunt ever for forgetting not a PART of his suit, no no, but the WHOLE DARN THING. Quite amazing, when you think about it.

Weddings I've been able to observe from afar. One shall remain nameless, other than this:
1: Even my sister (the lesbian one, not the girlie one) knows you can't let out a beaded bodice. And she wore capris and sandals to her wedding......helLO!
2: Registering for 52" TV screens or suggesting you give money for the honeymoon is tacky. Just plain tacky.

The other wedding is the oldest daughter of the uber-religious family whose blog I'm obsessed with. www.smithfamilia.blogspot.com . Linda scared up their 'wedding registry list and it's a doozy. No worries that they'd ask for a 52" TV....They won't be "having electricity" when they get married. They're gonna be FARMERS. yeeHAW. No, instead they asked for such down to earth things like....goats....buckets of flour .....and a double barrel shotgun (used is fine).

Wait a minute USED SHOTGUN FOR A WEDDING PRESENT!!!! I tell ya, if ebay sold firearms I'd have been all over that. That gift would have easily replaced the PM as the most sardonic wedding present I've ever given.
I won't post that story here, as I am still in contact with the recipient and I don't want to hurt their feelings. Besides, it's funnier that they still think it was a thoughtful gift, and not the total UP YOURS that it totally was. The full story is available as a live-command performance, should you wish to make the request.

So, brides to be: Throw out those bridal magazines, and shun those bridal fairs. Shut your ears to the suggestions of MORE and FANCIER and let your priorities be about: the vows, the food, and the fellowship. Those are the only things your guests care about.

Oh wait, I forgot Leanne's wedding. It was awesome too. Again, she looked like she was having fun, and the food was good. The weather (plus 35 or something) not in her control, and we had an awesome time despite that. The only thing I can say about that is.....raw wieners and mouse traps do NOT belong at wedding showers. She hit the vow-food-fellowship trifecta right out of the park.

...and you can quote me on that

I recently came across a statement on a website (or a blog) saying essentially that people who walk around quoting TV and Movies are too lazy to think for themselves and are unimaginative. Well, to them I say “wax off”.

Anyhoo, it got me to thinking about the fact that I spend an incredible amount of time referencing from TV and Movies and why. I think it’s because it’s a short-cut. Why spend ½ an hour setting up a situation when all you need to say is “it was a real ‘David Lynch’ scene…you know”. People know, and therefore you can get right down to the specifics. Also, you can find out right away if a new person is a “kindred spirit” (that’s a book quote…bonus points in the game below if you can identify from where). I had a manager once who in the middle of a random conversation used the second quote below, the ‘pod’ one, and when I was able to reference it right away BOOM we knew exactly who we were, and where we spent our Friday nights growing up, and what other things we might possibly have in common. It saved us like WEEKS of small talk.

So anyway, I thought I would put together a list of my favourite references and you could try and guess where they came from. I’ll post the ‘answers’ in a comment, and you can post your results there. NO CHEATING!
Oh yes, if it’s a TV quote you have to say which episode too.
Feel free to post your own quotes, but note: they have to be ones that you use in dialogue, not just ‘inspirational’ ones.

“and how ‘bout that Marla Hooch…what a hitter!” (movie) I use this one when I notice I (or somebody else) is trying to avoid either insulting or hurting somebody’s feelings, or playing the “if you can’t say something nice….” game.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you, I’m not a pod” (TV SHOW) Use to make myself giggle, often out of context of conversation. Occasionally to characterize psycho people.

“The tickets were what, 10 bucks? It was a good piece of meat” (TV) Used when attending free(ish) events that basically sucked but I need to find something nice to say.

“That’s a lot of gum” “THAT’S A LOT OF GUM” (TV SHOW ) Used to express incredibly obvious statements, I often replace the word ‘gum’ with whatever is being talked about.

“Gum would be perfection” (TV SHOW) I use this one a lot but replace ‘gum’ with other things. Makes me giggle even if nobody else gets it.

“Hoke, you’re my best friend” (movie) This scene always makes me cry. I use it when I want to express ‘thank yous’ of affection to somebody.

“that was my skull!” (movie) I use this one to express how stoopid/stoned somebody is.

“you want a gummy bear? it's been in my pocket all day so it's warm and squishy....” (movie) I use this to accept/decline/offer somebody something that is either undesirable or gross.

“you had me at hello” (movie) An obvious one, but I use regularly. Sometimes to diffuse really emotional subjects, but mostly to send the message that somebody else’s over sentimentalism is making me gag.

“I’ll never let you go, I’ll never let you go” (movie) Again, kind of obvious. I say it, then make a pushing gesture with my hands. I use when somebody is obviously lying, or is being over hypocritical.

Ok, that’s 10, and if you get the episode on the TV and the book reference it’s a possible 15 points. I know there’s a lot more but I’m drawing a blank. Let me know how you do.

supplementary

whilst clicking through the below linked website I came to this one
http://www.cafepress.com/hanttula_weasel.3984897

Which immediately begs the question..is there a non-classic version of the
Hanttula Weasel Thong?

how do people find the time

to compile websites like this?
http://www.hanttula.com/exhibits/freakyfood/

I barely have time to blog.


I particularly enjoy this evil lettuce Finding something like that would turn me off veggies for a good long time.








And the leering lemon CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPY










This was billed as Dwarf Siamese Albino Cryogenically-preserved Twin Gummy Bears

They look like they're trapped and fearing for their lives.....mmmmmmmmmmmmm terrified gummy bears.

Check the site out, it's awesome.

Greeting cards for every occasion

Whilst shopping recently in Carleton I noticed a card section 'header' labeled, "For the Bride to be". This header was in amongst the more obvious ones such as "congratulations on your engagement" and "For your Shower". Hmm, I thought, what must this card be for if not for those occasions?

I opened it up and read: "You've found the love of your life, and that's really all that matters, try not to get too stressed out". So basically, these Bridezillas** have gotten so bad, and people are so fed up with them, that Carleton has designed a whole new card for the occasion. The phenomena is that widespread. When will the rest of us rise up and say "enough already!" Personally, I think this card was done poorly. It should have a big picture of somebody flipping the bird, and inside it should read "You're the only person who gives a shit about the centerpiece, the colour of the invitation, and even the stupid expensive wear it one-time dress, so knock it off already". Nice and to the point.

Then yesterday whilst I was browsing the aforementioned "ladies against feminism" website (which may take a whole blog of its own to reply to, freaks!!" I came across an article criticizing the following link http://www.secretlovercollection.com/index.php
which is a series of cards for....................... ADULTERERS! Yes, those lazy Carleton and Hallmark people have spent too much time planning cards for the married and faithful people, and not enough time on the married and unfaithful people (do I smell a "to the future philanderer" card coming on?)
Anyway, I'm not shitting you, these cards are for people who are
a: sleeping around on their spouse and
b: not worried about leaving a paper trail.

My favourite, is the one with the beautiful pastel picture of the office door and the water cooler with this text

Cover The weekend apart is finally over. I missed you terribly.
Inside I used to look forward to the weekends but since we met they now seem like an eternity without you. I want to see you and be with you again. Let's not let any more precious time slip away without each other. I understand we have our separate lives, but I still don't like being without you for long periods of time, or for any period of time for that matter. I love you.

Several cards are straight to the point, with lovely drawings of beds or sheets... I guess you've got to admire their honesty. The to the pointness of "I'm really here for the shagging" message they send.

They've even thoughtfully provided a "good-bye" card.
Cover I can't go on like this anymore
Inside Sharing you with someone else and not being able to call you my own. not being able to spend all the special moments in life with you because you belong to someone else. I guess our timing just wasn't right we were only meant to be together for a short while and not forever as I had hoped.Saying Goodbye to you is the most difficult decision that I have ever had to make.my heart is breaking, but I must go now.I will never forget the deep love and closeness that we shared.Goodbye.

The thing that really angered me about this site,well two things that angered me, are these: First they talked about the whole adulterous market as being "untapped" (D'UH) and second, it made me almost agree with the freakazoids from the antifeminist website. I mean c'mon... let's all get together and agree that screwing around on your significant other is NOT acceptable and therefore does NOT warrant a professionally-produced greeting card to legitimize it!

Although I guess it's comforting to know that the card-industry is striving to cover our every need... I guess

SPECIAL NOTE TO YOU NON-RESPONDING BLOG READERS (and I mean people like you Annie) if you leave an occasional comment, then I'll be reaassured somebody is reading these things, and might be prompted to write more!

** Definition of a Bridezilla: a subspecies of a bride-to-be who believes her wedding day is "her day," that she is princess for the day, that the world owes her, and that her every desire and whim for the "perfect wedding" is to be catered to instantly and subserviently by friends, family, and vendors under threat of thermonuclear meltdown.

God I love bad video...

My sister sent me a link to this tres weird blogspot. http://smithfamilia.blogspot.com/
Why are all the women in long hair and skirts? Why do they all run around with guns shooting harmless watersnakes? Why in god's name do they have a link to http://ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ ? I've yet to explore this last link, but I'm sure it'll warrant it's own rant later.

But what really caught my attention was a link to "Christian Film Company", where I found the WORST video I've seen in a long time. Click http://www.captainscomputers.com/ and scroll down and click the Click here to go to Captain Bret's Christian Movie Show line, then scroll form there to the "happy birthday...its a movie club" video. It's hilarious. I love the fixed camera on a tripod, the useless flashbacks to some Jed character to say "comedies" "documentaries" that could have been done in a voiceover, if they'd had any technological abilities AT ALL. The terribly lit birthday cake scene, her scary freakout beating up of the innocent videotape, they can't even pronounce genres (genrays)! It's fuckin awesome. And they have videotape PROOF of the GENESIS flood (I guess that was the year that Phil Collins spilt his drink onstage or something)

I live to find stuff like this.

Golf Course Designers.... listen up

I don't know how many of you are reading this blog on a regular basis (I'm sure lots of you).

Well, if you're the one who designed the Pioneer Meadows Golf Course...you can KISS MY A*#&!!!

What kind of SICK BASTARD ends on a PAR 5 HOLE !?!?!? I mean..... really. You're golfing away, having some good holes (the par 3's) and some ok-ish holes (the par 4's) and you're just about done when WHAM, when you're at your tired-est (yes that's a word) and all you can really think about is now you get to: eat /drink a beer/have a pee/SIT THE HELL DOWN but nooooOOOOOOOO instead you're faced with a par-flippin-FIVE hole? Who wants to end a round of golf demoralized like that? Not to mention that the freakin' hole has two sand traps too (just in case the 8 strokes it takes to get to the green aren't enough to crush-you-like-a-bug you have to contend with sand. Sheesh.

I know pioneers are supposed to be tough...but c'mon!

Rain Rain go away...

....come back some other day..

Or better yet come back some NIGHT, when we're SLEEPING, and not say...trying to GOLF... or just plain take a freakin' WALK or something...

And when you come back, leave your friends MONSOON and LIGHTNING behind. Last nights storm was not fun....very much shades of the storm that tried to drown my Pretty girl (if you mentally replace the snow in this pic with water you'll have a pretty good indication of what my precious went through two summers ago)

For anybody who has been trying to hold a picnic on a Tuesday night this summer...my deepest apologies. See I joined a ladies golf league that meets every Tuesday...and therefore every Tuesday has been CRAPPY weather. I am, after all, some sort of rain goddess, and my cumulus subjects just feel the need to worship me with their bounty every time they catch sight of me. Just watch, this summer, Tuesdays are going to SUCK BUM.

It's just so DEPRESSING! Where's the sun...WHERE DAMNIT!

I'm picking up my new (and now shorter) putter tonight so just wait for it...news that Noah and his clan will be holding free arc-building workshops at your friendly-neighbourhood Michael's!

Does anybody know Craig's phone #?

Seriously, does somebody know Mr. McTavish's # so I can phone and ask him WHY THE FREAKIN' OILERS NEVER SHOOT AT THE NET?!?

Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of our boys. They've played some amazing hockey in these series....but C'MON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is it they can skate like the wind down the ice, get to the opposing zone, and then start flippin' the puck back and forth amongst themselves, like they're playing catch or something. Hasn't anybody told them that the more times you SHOOT AT THE NET the more chances you have to score? That there are no points for 'style' so waiting until you have a picture-perfect shot is a waste of time, isnt it? My blood pressure is still reeling from that two man advantage we had where they got into the end zone and DIDN'T TAKE A SHOT for like 45 seconds...I mean WHAT the HELL is that ALL ABOUT?

seriously...

I don't get it

why WHY WHY???

Why is it that the windshield-wiper-fluid-reservoirs in vehicles hold 3 liters of liquid, yet the windshield-wiper-fluid industry insists on packaging it's products in FOUR liter bottles? Why are they forcing us to drive around with these frickin' dribbles of washer fluid, kept in flimsy bottles which NEVER seal properly, all rattling around in our trunks? Just waiting to tip over, and for the vibrations of the road to dislodge the lids enough to send lightblue and/or vibrant pink gunk cascading all over the other contents in the trunk? How difficult is it to make 3 liter bottles? Or bigger reservoirs ? Why can't these people get it together?

And whilst we're on the subject...what is the point of having gas tanks on different sides of the vehicle? Why can't they all be on the left (so that drivers can see if they've closed the tank properly), or the right (so that they can't) ? Why the need for the delicate maneuvering and shuffling of vehciles trying to get their tanks near the hoses? It could all be so orderly, everybody drive up on one side, exiting the other... no more panicked "omigod where's the tank on this flippin' rental" stressouts. How civilized we could all be.For that matter, why don't filling stations sell windshield wiper fluid by the litre? That way you could just 'fill er up when you need to.

Hm.... methinks I need to fill out some Esso comment cards on my way home........

Sometimes free is very expensive...

...went and saw a play at the Timms Centre...called "One Flea Spare".
Basically, I can say two good things about the evening:
1: it was almost worth the cost of intermission (free)
2: we left at intermission.

If you'd like a synopsis (a polite synopsis) then follow the link below. Basically, it takes place during the plague, lots of people are dying, some people are not. Rich people are ignorant, poor people are smelly, nobody's truly happy, because really, "what IS happiness" blah blah blah eye roll eye roll eye roll. Yick.
Oh yes, just in case you might be thinking that if the play takes place in the 1500's we at least escaped the homosexual cliche that plagues (pun intended) modern theatre...think again. Yes, the smelly sailor (who the rich wife is attracted to, despite their class differences, don't tell me you didn't see that coming) admits to having a homosexual relationship. Just admits to it right away, with little or no prodding from the mistress of the house...which I am SURE happened DAILY in the 1500's.....during that oh so Christian Pious time.

It opens with a dirty looking stranger taking a vase off a table to piss into it, he wants to save his pee because of the high content of rum it contains. And that folks was the highlight of the evening. Apparently the playwrite was "inspired by the L.A. riots of 1992", so she wrote a play that has nothing to do with a riot. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

All of this was enhanced by the line of grey-haired ladies in the row in front of us. One of which must have been too embarrassed to admit she left her hearing aid at home, and not wanting to appear to "not get the jokes" decided to insert an audible chuckle after every second line. Interestingly enough, the few vaguely funny lines, she didn't laugh at. Her friend at the end of the row kept forgetting she was watching live theatre and not TV because a couple of times she 'talked back' to the action onstage. Making her the funniest/most entertaining part of the night.

Anyhoo, I really owe Sheena one for suffering through the first act with me, she's a trooper!

http://www.broadwayplaypubl.com/ofs.htm

Sheena...this one's for you

My one and only fan wuz complaining about my lack of blogs.... so here goes....

funny..........gotta think of something funny to write about........... ergh....... too....much....pressure...

I KNOW stoopid Canmore women, I can rant about them.

So the news had a spot on the fact that bunnies are taking over Canmore. Yes, that's right BUNNIES and not rabbits. See, about 10 or 12 years ago someone let their pet bunnies loose, and since then, well, the bunnies have been doing what bunnies do best. And because they're in town, with no natural enemies... they've been TAKING OVER
http://www.canada.com/globaltv/national/story.html?id=540bef17-982c-46f5-9f6c-cb507ef3e914
if you want proof and/or more details on why the town says it's the fish & game's problem, and why the fishy and gamey people say it's the town's problem. Bottom line: they're destroying gardens, trees, lawns, they're a big problem, something needs to be done.

Now I won't bore you on my opinions about rabbits as pets (pointless) or the wanton disruption of the delicate balance of nature (slightly less pointless) but I will say this.
To the idiot woman who was interviewed for CTV on the debate, with the following statement "I don't think we need to interfere, nature will take it's course, the coyotes and predators will look after them". All the while she's standing beside her significant other who is holding their VERY SMALL AND DEFENSELESS CHILD IN HIS ARMS!!!?!?!?. HELLO STOPPID!
Do you really think the answer to this problem is having wild carnivores roaming the streets, and yards, and playgrounds of your town feeding on the small creatures they find on the way? Do you think your toddler can outrun a RABBIT for god sakes! How much more MEAT is their on an 18 month old! They're probably the equivalent of, like 4 bunnies.

And when you consider Canmore is only is only 117 miles away from Acme Alberta...well you KNOW those Coyotes are going to have the best equipment money can buy. Lady your precious baby doesn't stand a chance!


There, Sheena, hope yer happy. See ya next week

Enough with the cutsie pooh names!

Found this on a sign in the college
What a completely lame way to spell Chelsey. At least I'm assuming this was an intentional spelling, and that the student didn't misspell her own name.

Am I alone in thinking that this parental obsession of re-spelling perfectly good names is a mild form of child abuse? There must be about 50 ways to spell "Crystal" out there..,. is is really that much fun having to constantly walk people through writing down and pronouncing your first name? I have enough problems getting people to get my last name right, at least having "Sue" as a nomiker gives me a bit of a break. I saw a "Calvine" for Calvin, which incidentally means 'bald' in Latin so why anybody goes there in the first place is beyond me. Camryn/Kamryn, which means bent nose, CADEN / KADEN was like the 2nd highest ranking boy name in 2005. Kaden?!? What the hell is that about.

And the Katelyn, Caitlin, Katlyn, Katalin, Katelyn, Katelynn, Katelins.... give me a break. You will NOT automatically create a creative, free-thinking, interesting, and unique human being by saddling them with a ridiculous and childishly spelt name.

And if you're going to start making names up, at least let's follow basic phonetics. 'Beyonce' needs an accent over the e to be Be-yawn-say. As it stands, it should be pronouced 'be-yawnc'

Cadence/Kadence/Kadense is popular too. BITE ME. The online definition has Cadence meaning rhythm, which is a somewhat sketchy definition. But even if it was accurate... 'rhythm'...what the hell are you going for there. I mean, nobody ever REALLY wants to raise a drummer...do they?

When I was working at the provincal gov't exam registry, we saw the most horrifying names. "Colt 44" and "Princess Di"... I wonder what that girl calls her self now, post-car accident? "Franken Stein" (I'm not kidding, how miserable are that person's Octobers). My sister said they processed a test for a "Maxi Padd" one year...can you IMAGINE that girls' school life? I shudder to think.


Someday, there's going to be a child that turns around and sues the pants off their parents for pain and mental anguish. It'll be the Britanny/Britanee/Britaknee/Bretahnee/Bwetawkni class-action suit. And I hope they take their parental units to the kleeners.

I may have to marry this woman...

I know what you're thinking.... "Holy crap not ANOTHER one...what IS it what that family". Well, Shaddup. I don't mean 'marry' as in Lily and Robin..and Lynne and Linda 'marry'. I mean, well..... Ok, it was a bad headline but it caught your attention.

Feast your eyes on the most amazing thing you're likely to see in awhile. Oh I can hear you from here..."Look Sue...we've all seen your freakin' dishcloths ... get OVER yourself already, it a bit of yarn wrapped around itself and you're not impressing anybody anymore."

First of all, you people need to stop being so rude.

Second of all, this mini-dish cloth is different....this one is.... wait for it....NEEDLE-KNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right, regular, grown up, like adults do it, needle knit. No "recommended for childen" looms here!
I cast on, knit for (well, either 12 or 24 rows I don't know how to count them in this style and I wasn't paying attention) and CAST OFF, all by myself. Casting off was, embarassingly easy. How did it take me THIS many years to get it?

Who is this future not-quite fiance of mine you may ask? Well, her name is Amy Finlay, and she has the most wicked website on the Internet. And yes, I'm including in the comparison both http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page and www.nakedgeorgeclooney.com

Her site is www.knittinghelp.com and I'm here to tell you that it's URL more than lives up to it's name.
She has a schwack of videos that show you everything you've ever wanted to know about knitting...and bunch of stuff you never knew you needed to know but you're sure glad you do now. And the best part....if you have to ask her to repeat herself about 10 times (as perhaps, somebody might of whilst learning the continental cast-on maneuver) ....she NEVER loses her patience, and her vocal tone NEVER gets sharp with you. She sounds as delighted and helpful the first time as she does the 10th. I love my Mom...LOTS, but she tended to lose it at about the 3rd time.. the 10th... game over. :)

The sampler...well it has some minor defects (the end of the first row...not so pretty... I blame the incredibly s*#&tty first few singers on American Idol WOW did they stink up the place tonight). But who cares, it's a perfectly respectful sampler, and I love it! The tension is just a little bit different from start to finish, and there are a few spots that look a little 'wonky', but they're minor. I just can't believe I did this without:
SWEARING (no really, I'm sure it's hard to believe, but I didn't once, I sw... er promise).
And my hand didn't cramp up....
and I could always get the yarn in the 2nd loop without the assistance of a jackhammer....
it was AWESOME.

Night night!

Oops, I'm slipping

I guess I don't have much to write about. I finished two more bunnies (tonight) ...I watched a bunch o' DVD's on the weekend (didn't get enuf sleep) ...nuttin' too exciting.

I boycotted a fundraiser dinner Fri night... on a stubborn point. I pick little, silly, mountains to die on, but there you are. They raised a bunch of money, and that's great. I bought coffee for them today, so I did my part.

I've found a great new website. www.knittinghelp.com it's got AWESOME videos to teach you how to knit, and FINALLY 'casting off' makes sense. I don't know why I didn't understand it before. So now I'm jonesin' for needles. Going to raid Mom's stash this week I think...make a dishcloth (oooh, what else is new) I can't wait until I can make myself a sweater. Melanie Z teaches a "how to knit a sweater" course...so maybe I'll end up taking a class from her...stranger things have been known to happen.

Anyhoo, it's late and I gotta catch some zzz's. Later dudes

MY CONSOLATION PRIZE IS HERE

And I ain't sharin' with nobody, no HOW, no way.

teehee

Correction.. TEA hee

It's Election Day

I'm connected to polling stations via walkie talkies...it's taking every bit of professionalism I own to keep from asking the polling stations to refer to me as "Super Shark 7". (I know...that was Linda's handle, but a: I ALWAYS wanted to be Super Shark 7, and now it's my chance, as well, I don't know how politically correct "Black Cat 13" would be)

Happy Poetry Day!

I wish you all, upon this day,

a time most fraught with rhyme.

This poem would entertain you more,

if, perhaps, I had more time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Poetry_Day

She thinks she's funny....

...but she's snot.

My sister sent me this pic in response to my photo of my car in the snow. She claims to have taken it in her front yard in Kamloops this week. I think she cut it out of the latest National Geographic magazine, from their "grasslands of the sick-hot deserts of British Columbia" special. You can just make out the imprint of the staple on the far left of the photo.



This weekend was a quiet one, couldn't get the car out of the street. It was dicey getting moving this morning, and that's after I spent an hour yesterday shovelling out a literal 'driveway' for pretty girl. Had to do the ol' back up, gun it forward, back up, gun it forward about 12 times. Freaked me out a bit, cuz that's how I lost my muffler in the Tercel, during a bad snow fall. That drive home was so surreal, it took about 1 1/2 hours, and party way through I just about lost it because I thought some big bully truck was tailgating me in the terrible my weather, then I realized the huge rumblingsound was coming from 'Piggy' (that was my tercel's nickname). She sounded like about 25 mopeds tied together.

Started reading a great book, Enigma, by Richard Harris, but then I left it AND my kntting at home, so now I have nuttin' to do over lunch (boo). Made a new bunny with chenille yarn, very cute. Think it'll be Mom's bunny!

UPDATE:
She sent me two new pictures that refuse to upload. They're of today's paper superimposed over 'grass' from the front yard. It's just amazing what they can photoshop these days

What a crappy day for snow

...I had a free reiki session, and am supposed to volunteer tonight.

I can't get out of the street, there's so much snow, and it's still coming down, even harder than before!


Damn near killed me shovelling the walk (and a crappy job I did of it too). I shovelled off the car, so you can' really tell how bad it is from this shot. But the show on the car...that's after 1/2 an hour of more snow post-shovel. If you know what I mean.

Last Saturday, I had a nice cheery stack of BBC sitcoms to watch. This week, only some Will and Grace..which are ok, but NOT as much fun as last week :(

Happy shovelling peeps!

Sue

Happy St Paddy's Day

Robin invited me to do some St Paddy's day baking last night. We arrived at Karen's at about 6:20, we pulled out of the driveway at about 9:15...and in the meantime the three of us had baked, iced and decorated 72 cupcakes, and made 20 cups of rice krispies into rice krispie squares (KayKay did the rice krispies, R and I did the cupcakes, mostly) We were masters of efficiency. Oh yes, and about 20 minutes was devoted solely to listening to Lester's new stereo system via a Fleetwood Mac DVD. It was tres awesome. They turned out really tasty too. I copped out and bought a can of Duncan Hines cream cheese icing (it was on sale) and it was yummy!

Karen -- so clever that one -- dyed some of the Rice Krispies green (just sprinkled some green food die on them , and stirred through) they looked so pretty. Much more efficient than the hand-sorting of Mom and Dad's past. She died the marshmallow green for one batch, as a trial....not so attractive, those.

I had forgotten that one of my new summer blouses had some green in it, and I'd purchased the matching tank top..so I was even dressed for the season!

Just got an email from Leanne (formerly of SVEN BLVD) who'll be in town tonight, so hopefully we can hook up for a St. Paddy's beer (somewhere where they'll be no lineup!)

C'mon people...I mean really

So, I received two emails, from the same person, both within minutes of each other.

Email # 1 subject line was "I've been asked to pass this on....blah blah blah" and is about some special M&M promotion where if you buy the M&M's they make a donation ...etc etc etc. wanting you to forward it to all your family and friends. Save the world, etc etc.

Email #2 is this one http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

which is a cartoon character that comes on and totally mocks people who send stoopid emails about donations/forwards/people dying of various diseases, etc.

So basically she DID the annoying thing and then sent a cartoon about how annoying what she just did was, and there's no hint of self-depreciation in the email so you kow she wasn't being ironic. The kicker? If you actually go to the M&M website ...(which took me roughly 1 second to google) you can read how they stopped making the F#*$@(#* pink M&Ms in Oct 2005. So WHY IS ANYBODY STILL SENDING THESE ON! They stopped making them so STOP THE EMAILS.

Makes me wonder, if somebody else on her email list finally had enough, sent the 2nd link as a subtle message to her. Maybe that's where the irony comes into play...

Feeling small minded anyone...

... I know it didn't go perfectly but it was content not format that was the issue. SOMEbody could have said "hey, good crowd, we've never had that many people there for a forum..whose idea was it to have it there....your's Sue?...good job".

blech.

I'm just so tired of having to nag for the same things over and over again, every time...why when I ask for something it is NEVER a priority...especially when the stuff I ask for is usually huge things (hellOOO executive elections.... how can people not consider that important) and just the feeling that there's only 'me' in team. Not that that's entirely fair, there are people that try. But somedays I just get the feeling that I only get listened to if I bitch, so why bother asking three times nicely first, why not start out bossy and crabby?

Sue

soooEEEEEEEEEEEEE piggy piggy piggy piggy

I'm so proud of me. I altered the bunny pattern to make a little piggy for my sister in law. (Linda, if you read this DO NOT TELL LYNNE).
All you need to do is only sew the bottom 1/3 of the curly tail down, make the ears 1/2 the length it calls for the bunny, and run a line of yard around the front 1/3rd of the head, slightly tighten and tie off a TA DA. Of course, the front right leg is about twice the size of the rest of the pig...but whaddya going to do. I was stuffing/ playing with this during CSI Miami, so my focus was a little off!

Everybody's slackin' for the weekend....

Gotta love the weekend. Friday night I had dinner with Sheena and Melanie and we got a right good gossip in. Melanie is off for a month in Europe (mostly Amsterdam)...Made me long for a foreign trip of my own. So I started e-filing for a passport on Saturday. Can't travel if you don't have the paperwork! I'll probably only use it to travel to the US...but Sheena mentioned having someone we could stay with if we went to Italy...and it's REALLY been on my mind....

Saturday wasn't feeling well, didn't go to dinner with Anita and friends. Spent the day in the basement drinking tea and watching British BBC DVDs...ended up dreaming in British accents.
Watched some Jeeves and Wooster (good stuff, what). Hugh Laurie looked SOOOOOOOOOO young compared to "House" show nowadays. I took a photo of the screen with my camera, neat huh? I lurve him, and Stephen Frye. These books/series are so deliciously silly. The actor who played "Bingo" is familiar from some other show.. I don't know what, but it's bothering me. Must research it.

I finished a 2nd bunny, and have knit the 'body' of a third. This one is in better proportion to the first, and her tail is sewn better. But I think the front legs are too big, so the back legs have nowhere to go, and she's a little "hunchbacky" if you get my drift. It takes about 2 hours to 'finish' one of these suckers, but that's not a good estimate because I had to pick out a seam that I made a right balls up on.

I gave rodent (Laura) the prototype for her birthday. Which brings me to Sunday..Sunday I read some Douglas Adams (so now I was reading in a British accent) and then went to dinner for Laura's b-day. Fish n' chips and then back to the parental unit's abode for cake. mmmmmmmmm chocolate wafer and whipped cream cake. mmmmmmmmmmm.
Came home and finished the afore-mentioned/photo-d bunny watching desperate housewives and The Family Guy. No "American Dad", and I had no way to tape "Grey's Anatomy", which makes me very sad indeed.

Oh well, gotta toodle off now, what ho.

Sue

Ed-u-ma-ca-ted

I work at a post-secondary institution. There are things that get posted around here that make my head shake. This is one of those examples.

Do they mean legal pleas? Or pleas for sympathy? What if I have nothing to plea for? Can I use this door then?

The college food service company recently launched a survey website. Their advertisements requested you go to www.collegedinning.com . Not dining, mind you, dinning. To add insult to injury...the tent cards that had this information were generic for multiple locations, and the portion of it that contained each institution's website address was a LABEL that was STUCK ON afterwards...therefore EASILY CHANGEABLE. They have since produced flyers made on a PC that look like ass that contain the proper website.

I haven't visited the site to take the survey yet, but apparently it's so user un-friendly that it totally discourages individuals to finish the process. Kind of a "beware the leopard" thing!

boo!

Somedays I love my job...

...we had to buy some new manequins for work the other day. Went to this creepy display place, with two rooms filled with rows and shelves of store manequins, most of them naked. Half of the women's ones with perky nipples (apparently that's the 'old style manequins')

I took a couple pics with my phone. The first is a creepy custom face paint job, I think they used white out for the eyes, and a jiffy marker for the irises. He was naked except for the januty little scarf. Like some demon drag queen from hell.

The second one was of a female, whose head didn't fit under the overhead shelf....so they had to make due. I had a really pithy-funny one-liner for this...but I've forgotten it now. Damn it was good tho. Something along the line of "I've heard of having a good head on your shoulders".... but it was dirtier and funnier than that.

I don't know which part of the trip I found the creepiest though. I didn't take a photo...damnit ...but there was a line of about 5 male "groins" obviously used to display underwear or bathing suits. Far more bulge than you would have thought necessary. Tres wierd. Would have been a great place to host a halloween party though!

Finished the Slippers!

They're sooooooooooooooo comfty and warm, I didn't count rows when I made the first one, and tried to judge for the second one from the first one, but I was off, so the left slipper looks like it's one-size bigger. But anyone checking out my slippers that closely can kiss my butt while they're down there.

I'm gonna have to look into some kind of row-counter. Maybe I'll steal something from my golf toys!

I learnt a new way of casting on last night too, off a website. Going to email the kniftyknitter message board about it. It'll make for much nicer dishcloth. Wish I'd found it before all the other cloths.

I'm embarassed to admit I've become 'interested' in America Idol (hold my head in shame) but there are some really interesting singers this year. I blame my nieces Robin and Lily for getting me hooked. CURSE THEM.

Two Days in a Row...

Well, it's a record. Two updates in a row.

I did some über knitting over the past two days. Finished a stuffed bunny rabbit (prototype only, need some serious work) the ears are way too long, but I followed the pattern. Silly me. I'm looking forward to doing a better one. Well, actually several better ones...as the ball of yarn I bought is bigger than a freakin' basketball and this took about...well 1/1000th of it. But it's cute. I 'added' the whiskers, they're my own inspiration...yup, I'm awesome.

Here's the slipper (I haven't done the 2nd one yet)
I knit the body parts of the bunny, and 1/2 the slipper during the Oscars, and then assembled the bunny and finished the slipper watching 24 and CSI on Monday night. I only watched 24 to wait for a commercial to call my boss, but then I ended up watching til the end of the show...and now I think I'm hooked. DAMN, like I need another TV show to obsess on.

Anyhoo, I just thought I'd brag about my knitting and stuff, I just figgered out an über easy way to upload photos from my phone, so they'll be lots more updates like this to come.

Buy bye for now!

Wow, can you spell sporadic

I am tres whore-re-blay at keeping up to date with this thing.

Going into SC meeting..could get dicey. Doesn't bear thought now. (bare thought? that doesn't look right)

I watched DVD of the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy original TV series. FUN FUN FUN. Douglas Adams...truly a god. I love his writing, and now I have to track down my copy of Last Chance to See and reread it. Very funny, yet touches on so many important issues.

Started, and well finished, the knit parts of a bunny with the knifty knitter. Just have to 'sew' it together. I think I understand the sewing directions...I just have to track down a 'tapestry needle'. Did the knitting during the Oscar coverage, then I started and did about 2/3 s of a slipper. They're going to be LOVELY!

Oscar coverage. WOW, can you say both SUCKED and BLEW? The 4:30-5:00 Canadian produced CTV show, with Ben Mulrooney was so bad it was funny. He was shouting, from behind a pack of more important reporters, trying to get the attention of Jada Pinkett. At one point he actually turned to the camera, embarassed, and said "It's kinda a pecking order here, and when you're not at the top of it...". Basically admitted to the, well 5 of us watching, what a big fat nothing he is. HAHAHAHA

But then, from 5-6 the 'official' red carpet crew came on....and made Ben look like a 60 minutes anchor. Holy crap, they were awful. They would interview theses stars, and start off with these HUGE background questions, which basically answered themselves before they were done, and then shove the mic at the star who was usually left with a "well, yes" or "actually no" type answer. When they were talking to George Clooney they actually referenced his work on The Facts of Life! To which he responded with this absolutely gorgeous, but total WHAT THE F#*$( smirk when he answered. Love him LOVE HIM!

They asked Heath "What question haven't you been asked, and what have you been asked to death". So on one hand, they were wanting Heath to do their work for them, on the other they were asking him to bitch about past interviews. I mean c'mon.

Jennifer Aniston was asked about who she used to amire when she watched the show as a child. WHO CARES! The red carpet is NOT the time to do daring, probing, cutting edge journalism. We want to know: who are they wearing, how many ga-zillion dollars worth of jewelry have they borrowed, and where are they partying later. SHEESH. Then they kept showing clips from movies that have won in the past, almost like "yes, we know the public didn't care/watch/download this year's winners, but you've liked our stuff in the past, please dont' turn your sets off!!!" It was so bad it was good. I wish I'd had someone with me trading insults with the telly...I wuz on fire.

Anyhoo: Jon Stewart, funny. Lauren Bacall either drunk or past-it. George Clooney....sigh... ok I'm back. Dolly Parton, you go girl, Reese Witherspoon, I wish I could hate you you pretty-talented-humble-nice person you.

Oh yes, and a personal thank you to Brangelina and Tom and Katy for being knocked up and out of the picture, I'm SO sick of the sight of you all.