Greeting cards for every occasion

Whilst shopping recently in Carleton I noticed a card section 'header' labeled, "For the Bride to be". This header was in amongst the more obvious ones such as "congratulations on your engagement" and "For your Shower". Hmm, I thought, what must this card be for if not for those occasions?

I opened it up and read: "You've found the love of your life, and that's really all that matters, try not to get too stressed out". So basically, these Bridezillas** have gotten so bad, and people are so fed up with them, that Carleton has designed a whole new card for the occasion. The phenomena is that widespread. When will the rest of us rise up and say "enough already!" Personally, I think this card was done poorly. It should have a big picture of somebody flipping the bird, and inside it should read "You're the only person who gives a shit about the centerpiece, the colour of the invitation, and even the stupid expensive wear it one-time dress, so knock it off already". Nice and to the point.

Then yesterday whilst I was browsing the aforementioned "ladies against feminism" website (which may take a whole blog of its own to reply to, freaks!!" I came across an article criticizing the following link http://www.secretlovercollection.com/index.php
which is a series of cards for....................... ADULTERERS! Yes, those lazy Carleton and Hallmark people have spent too much time planning cards for the married and faithful people, and not enough time on the married and unfaithful people (do I smell a "to the future philanderer" card coming on?)
Anyway, I'm not shitting you, these cards are for people who are
a: sleeping around on their spouse and
b: not worried about leaving a paper trail.

My favourite, is the one with the beautiful pastel picture of the office door and the water cooler with this text

Cover The weekend apart is finally over. I missed you terribly.
Inside I used to look forward to the weekends but since we met they now seem like an eternity without you. I want to see you and be with you again. Let's not let any more precious time slip away without each other. I understand we have our separate lives, but I still don't like being without you for long periods of time, or for any period of time for that matter. I love you.

Several cards are straight to the point, with lovely drawings of beds or sheets... I guess you've got to admire their honesty. The to the pointness of "I'm really here for the shagging" message they send.

They've even thoughtfully provided a "good-bye" card.
Cover I can't go on like this anymore
Inside Sharing you with someone else and not being able to call you my own. not being able to spend all the special moments in life with you because you belong to someone else. I guess our timing just wasn't right we were only meant to be together for a short while and not forever as I had hoped.Saying Goodbye to you is the most difficult decision that I have ever had to make.my heart is breaking, but I must go now.I will never forget the deep love and closeness that we shared.Goodbye.

The thing that really angered me about this site,well two things that angered me, are these: First they talked about the whole adulterous market as being "untapped" (D'UH) and second, it made me almost agree with the freakazoids from the antifeminist website. I mean c'mon... let's all get together and agree that screwing around on your significant other is NOT acceptable and therefore does NOT warrant a professionally-produced greeting card to legitimize it!

Although I guess it's comforting to know that the card-industry is striving to cover our every need... I guess

SPECIAL NOTE TO YOU NON-RESPONDING BLOG READERS (and I mean people like you Annie) if you leave an occasional comment, then I'll be reaassured somebody is reading these things, and might be prompted to write more!

** Definition of a Bridezilla: a subspecies of a bride-to-be who believes her wedding day is "her day," that she is princess for the day, that the world owes her, and that her every desire and whim for the "perfect wedding" is to be catered to instantly and subserviently by friends, family, and vendors under threat of thermonuclear meltdown.