Wedding Rants

This summer, I've attended and observed from afar, a variety of weddings.

The first, my sister and sister-inlaw's (yes you read that right, it was a gay in a good way wedding). And it was the MOST EXCELLENT WEDDING EVER. I won't say much about it, because I'm at my best when I'm ranting and raging about something so really, I have nothing to say. Other than these two, not quite unrelated observations:

1: They had the best emcee I've ever witnessed.
2: It sucks that emcess have to stay sober, I missed out on some serious hours of drinking.

Anyway, the best part of this wedding was the simplicity of the festivities and relaxed nature of the bridal couple, who were smiling, happy and able to enjoy their day very much.

The second, was my friend Anton's wedding to Apryl. Long time readers of my blog- get over the spelling, I have. And really, it could be Aeprehll or something. Again, it was super simple, they were able to enjoy themselves, the guests and wedding party were relaxed, it was all good. Oh yes, and Colin wins the official award for silliest wedding stunt ever for forgetting not a PART of his suit, no no, but the WHOLE DARN THING. Quite amazing, when you think about it.

Weddings I've been able to observe from afar. One shall remain nameless, other than this:
1: Even my sister (the lesbian one, not the girlie one) knows you can't let out a beaded bodice. And she wore capris and sandals to her wedding......helLO!
2: Registering for 52" TV screens or suggesting you give money for the honeymoon is tacky. Just plain tacky.

The other wedding is the oldest daughter of the uber-religious family whose blog I'm obsessed with. www.smithfamilia.blogspot.com . Linda scared up their 'wedding registry list and it's a doozy. No worries that they'd ask for a 52" TV....They won't be "having electricity" when they get married. They're gonna be FARMERS. yeeHAW. No, instead they asked for such down to earth things like....goats....buckets of flour .....and a double barrel shotgun (used is fine).

Wait a minute USED SHOTGUN FOR A WEDDING PRESENT!!!! I tell ya, if ebay sold firearms I'd have been all over that. That gift would have easily replaced the PM as the most sardonic wedding present I've ever given.
I won't post that story here, as I am still in contact with the recipient and I don't want to hurt their feelings. Besides, it's funnier that they still think it was a thoughtful gift, and not the total UP YOURS that it totally was. The full story is available as a live-command performance, should you wish to make the request.

So, brides to be: Throw out those bridal magazines, and shun those bridal fairs. Shut your ears to the suggestions of MORE and FANCIER and let your priorities be about: the vows, the food, and the fellowship. Those are the only things your guests care about.

Oh wait, I forgot Leanne's wedding. It was awesome too. Again, she looked like she was having fun, and the food was good. The weather (plus 35 or something) not in her control, and we had an awesome time despite that. The only thing I can say about that is.....raw wieners and mouse traps do NOT belong at wedding showers. She hit the vow-food-fellowship trifecta right out of the park.