Greeting cards for every occasion

Whilst shopping recently in Carleton I noticed a card section 'header' labeled, "For the Bride to be". This header was in amongst the more obvious ones such as "congratulations on your engagement" and "For your Shower". Hmm, I thought, what must this card be for if not for those occasions?

I opened it up and read: "You've found the love of your life, and that's really all that matters, try not to get too stressed out". So basically, these Bridezillas** have gotten so bad, and people are so fed up with them, that Carleton has designed a whole new card for the occasion. The phenomena is that widespread. When will the rest of us rise up and say "enough already!" Personally, I think this card was done poorly. It should have a big picture of somebody flipping the bird, and inside it should read "You're the only person who gives a shit about the centerpiece, the colour of the invitation, and even the stupid expensive wear it one-time dress, so knock it off already". Nice and to the point.

Then yesterday whilst I was browsing the aforementioned "ladies against feminism" website (which may take a whole blog of its own to reply to, freaks!!" I came across an article criticizing the following link http://www.secretlovercollection.com/index.php
which is a series of cards for....................... ADULTERERS! Yes, those lazy Carleton and Hallmark people have spent too much time planning cards for the married and faithful people, and not enough time on the married and unfaithful people (do I smell a "to the future philanderer" card coming on?)
Anyway, I'm not shitting you, these cards are for people who are
a: sleeping around on their spouse and
b: not worried about leaving a paper trail.

My favourite, is the one with the beautiful pastel picture of the office door and the water cooler with this text

Cover The weekend apart is finally over. I missed you terribly.
Inside I used to look forward to the weekends but since we met they now seem like an eternity without you. I want to see you and be with you again. Let's not let any more precious time slip away without each other. I understand we have our separate lives, but I still don't like being without you for long periods of time, or for any period of time for that matter. I love you.

Several cards are straight to the point, with lovely drawings of beds or sheets... I guess you've got to admire their honesty. The to the pointness of "I'm really here for the shagging" message they send.

They've even thoughtfully provided a "good-bye" card.
Cover I can't go on like this anymore
Inside Sharing you with someone else and not being able to call you my own. not being able to spend all the special moments in life with you because you belong to someone else. I guess our timing just wasn't right we were only meant to be together for a short while and not forever as I had hoped.Saying Goodbye to you is the most difficult decision that I have ever had to make.my heart is breaking, but I must go now.I will never forget the deep love and closeness that we shared.Goodbye.

The thing that really angered me about this site,well two things that angered me, are these: First they talked about the whole adulterous market as being "untapped" (D'UH) and second, it made me almost agree with the freakazoids from the antifeminist website. I mean c'mon... let's all get together and agree that screwing around on your significant other is NOT acceptable and therefore does NOT warrant a professionally-produced greeting card to legitimize it!

Although I guess it's comforting to know that the card-industry is striving to cover our every need... I guess

SPECIAL NOTE TO YOU NON-RESPONDING BLOG READERS (and I mean people like you Annie) if you leave an occasional comment, then I'll be reaassured somebody is reading these things, and might be prompted to write more!

** Definition of a Bridezilla: a subspecies of a bride-to-be who believes her wedding day is "her day," that she is princess for the day, that the world owes her, and that her every desire and whim for the "perfect wedding" is to be catered to instantly and subserviently by friends, family, and vendors under threat of thermonuclear meltdown.

God I love bad video...

My sister sent me a link to this tres weird blogspot. http://smithfamilia.blogspot.com/
Why are all the women in long hair and skirts? Why do they all run around with guns shooting harmless watersnakes? Why in god's name do they have a link to http://ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ ? I've yet to explore this last link, but I'm sure it'll warrant it's own rant later.

But what really caught my attention was a link to "Christian Film Company", where I found the WORST video I've seen in a long time. Click http://www.captainscomputers.com/ and scroll down and click the Click here to go to Captain Bret's Christian Movie Show line, then scroll form there to the "happy birthday...its a movie club" video. It's hilarious. I love the fixed camera on a tripod, the useless flashbacks to some Jed character to say "comedies" "documentaries" that could have been done in a voiceover, if they'd had any technological abilities AT ALL. The terribly lit birthday cake scene, her scary freakout beating up of the innocent videotape, they can't even pronounce genres (genrays)! It's fuckin awesome. And they have videotape PROOF of the GENESIS flood (I guess that was the year that Phil Collins spilt his drink onstage or something)

I live to find stuff like this.

Golf Course Designers.... listen up

I don't know how many of you are reading this blog on a regular basis (I'm sure lots of you).

Well, if you're the one who designed the Pioneer Meadows Golf Course...you can KISS MY A*#&!!!

What kind of SICK BASTARD ends on a PAR 5 HOLE !?!?!? I mean..... really. You're golfing away, having some good holes (the par 3's) and some ok-ish holes (the par 4's) and you're just about done when WHAM, when you're at your tired-est (yes that's a word) and all you can really think about is now you get to: eat /drink a beer/have a pee/SIT THE HELL DOWN but nooooOOOOOOOO instead you're faced with a par-flippin-FIVE hole? Who wants to end a round of golf demoralized like that? Not to mention that the freakin' hole has two sand traps too (just in case the 8 strokes it takes to get to the green aren't enough to crush-you-like-a-bug you have to contend with sand. Sheesh.

I know pioneers are supposed to be tough...but c'mon!

Rain Rain go away...

....come back some other day..

Or better yet come back some NIGHT, when we're SLEEPING, and not say...trying to GOLF... or just plain take a freakin' WALK or something...

And when you come back, leave your friends MONSOON and LIGHTNING behind. Last nights storm was not fun....very much shades of the storm that tried to drown my Pretty girl (if you mentally replace the snow in this pic with water you'll have a pretty good indication of what my precious went through two summers ago)

For anybody who has been trying to hold a picnic on a Tuesday night this summer...my deepest apologies. See I joined a ladies golf league that meets every Tuesday...and therefore every Tuesday has been CRAPPY weather. I am, after all, some sort of rain goddess, and my cumulus subjects just feel the need to worship me with their bounty every time they catch sight of me. Just watch, this summer, Tuesdays are going to SUCK BUM.

It's just so DEPRESSING! Where's the sun...WHERE DAMNIT!

I'm picking up my new (and now shorter) putter tonight so just wait for it...news that Noah and his clan will be holding free arc-building workshops at your friendly-neighbourhood Michael's!

Does anybody know Craig's phone #?

Seriously, does somebody know Mr. McTavish's # so I can phone and ask him WHY THE FREAKIN' OILERS NEVER SHOOT AT THE NET?!?

Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of our boys. They've played some amazing hockey in these series....but C'MON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is it they can skate like the wind down the ice, get to the opposing zone, and then start flippin' the puck back and forth amongst themselves, like they're playing catch or something. Hasn't anybody told them that the more times you SHOOT AT THE NET the more chances you have to score? That there are no points for 'style' so waiting until you have a picture-perfect shot is a waste of time, isnt it? My blood pressure is still reeling from that two man advantage we had where they got into the end zone and DIDN'T TAKE A SHOT for like 45 seconds...I mean WHAT the HELL is that ALL ABOUT?

seriously...